The Eel, Her and Divorce

So…Christmas was interesting – the first where The Eel and I have not spent any time together for the sake of O.

Just before Christmas I had the most awkward encounter so far with The Eel and Her, at O’s dance show. There was only one performance, so I sat with his mother on one side and them to the other side with Her son (A), playing happy families. Uncomfortable doesn’t even cut it. She texted me after, asking why I didn’t go back to the house for a cup of tea, so I replied, saying it would have been a little weird to say the least?!

Then Christmas came.

To fit in with their arrangements, The Eel let me have O from Christmas Eve evening to Boxing Day morning. All good until O spoke to them both on Christmas Day and said “I love you!” to her. Honestly, it was like someone had ripped out my heart. The jealousy and hatred I felt for this woman...I cannot put it into words. I’ve said before, I don’t think the relationship would bother me if I didn’t already know her and we were starting on an even footing, but I feel so guilty and selfish too for the way I feel. She genuinely must love my daughter and I need to focus on this.

The situation with The Eel’s mum has been the most hurtful of all. She had O one day over the holidays and all over the flat were photos of O and A together – the grandson I would never be able to give her.

Last weekend, she came to watch O ice skating and I thought we would all go for coffee after in the café and catch up a little….only for her to wave, rapidly say ‘goodbye’ and leave.

She never really warmed to me, as I am much like my own mum, i.e., not a stay at home ‘mumsy’ type. That’s why she gets on so well with Her and her mum, they are all pretty similar, just going through life being ‘kept', popping out kids, with no real ambition in life.

So after a lot of thought and financial juggling, and although we have been separated 3.5 years, this January I will be starting the divorce process, so that I can finally cut ties with them all as far as possible.

I want my share of the house, whether he sells or wants to buy me out and I want proper maintenance arrangements made for O as a priority, nothing more nothing less. I am going to start planning where I want to live, within reason (schooling obviously has to be considered) and start living my life as I want to, instead of ‘people pleasing’ all the time.

And believe me, other areas of my life have been pretty interesting of late….but that’s a different post entirely. ;-)