Mr Text - the final chapter....

So, as 2012 draws to a close, I have decided to put a lot of things to bed that are unhealthy and draining in my life, especially Mr Text.

Now you’ll remember that I had deleted his emails and texts in the vain hope of moving on? Well he came into the office again and we had the most awkward conversation yet – terribly polite, not daring to look one another in the eye. And of course, as suspected, he texted me after he left the building:  ”FIT!”

I told him the ‘friends’ thing was clearly not working and that it would have to be ‘cold turkey’ for a while. Which I thought was going to be the end of things, but then another guy we work with throughout the year suggested Christmas drinks...with him and Mr Text. I felt I couldn’t say no, but thankfully Mr Text cancelled last minute and I didn’t have to go.

Then last night I got THE texts of the century....
 

“You being free this afternoon filled my head with very naughty thoughts....ref cold turkey, you are a fabulous girl and very very very sexy. I feel if we met up for coffee, I’d SO want to...you know what! You are worth more than that and although I would never presume anything would happen, I do find you very attractive. I never use people as would hate that the other way round but could never envisage leaving the children...”

Swiftly followed by...

“That said, if you DO fancy a coffee later, maybe we could be tame and chat??!! Entirely up to you.”

Needless to say, this left me angry, swearing at my phone. Basically, he would be happy for me to be his whore but nothing else?!

So I sat and thought about things for a while and realised I had to remove him from my life entirely. I can never be his friend and those months without him contacting me I hardly thought about him.       

I am enjoying getting out a lot socially at the moment, extending my circle of friends and doing a little kissing with TC (see ‘Sexting’ blog – yes, we have met and yes, he comes up to scratch in the locking lips department!!)

So I composed myself and sent him the final message I would ever send him.....

“I don’t really get what you want from me or what you want me to say. I don’t think I can be your friend and I should never have allowed myself to care for you. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and would prefer it if you just contact me for work purposes from now on”.

There. I said it.

This morning I deleted his number from my phone and that, is what we call progress.

I feel empowered and am positive that next year will be MY year. I will finally get the recognition I deserve at work and let down my guard enough to let someone love me, as much as I desperately want deep down and deserve.

 

 

2013 - it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me...and I’m feeling gooooooooooooood!!!!

Time is a healer?

During my time as part of an online community in the early noughties, I was blessed to meet a wonderful man – N. He started to date a close friend and when we finally met, I knew I had met a friend for life.

Bubbly, raucous, honest and giving, this man knew me inside out. There was never anything sexual between us, just an affection and affinity I had never experienced before and have not since.

He was my trusted advisor on men, pointing out my (many) mistakes, my flaws, the path I should be taking and my partner in crime – together we were the life and soul of every party. Until 8 years ago when he was cruelly taken away from me.

I found out online via a post from his grief stricken partner. I called her and we cried together…I wanted to hold her so tight, but couldn’t. She had come home from work to find him collapsed on the floor at their home – a brain haemorrhage – there was nothing anyone could have done. He was 22.

Even now, 8 years on, I still miss him like crazy. I have thought on so many occasions ‘I wonder what N would have thought of….’ and gone to contact him. He missed my wedding, the birth of my daughter, my marriage breakup and everything since.

His funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever had to sit through. The church was absolutely rammed with people paying their respects and I felt so proud and honoured to have been a part of his life. As I lent on my two best male friends to hold me up, “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” by Green Day came on and I realised I shouldn’t be sad – he really did have the time of his life and so did everyone who knew him.

Tweeting and meeting....

Eleven years ago, as part of an online community, I had no qualms going along to meet ups with tens of people I knew only by avatar. Looking back, meeting up with people I didn’t know was a bit silly but I am also glad I did.

I met some wonderful people because of it, some of which I dated, two of which I lived with and one was even bridesmaid at my wedding! Despite the fact we have since moved all over the country, I remain in contact with a lot of these people and know when we meet again, it will be like nothing has changed and time has stood still.

Why then, when I recently agreed to meet more people from Twitter, did I suddenly get nervous? Age and numerous life events have done something to my self confidence and I don’t like it!

I have met a few lovely people from Twitter already but these bigger meets left me feeling nervous before I had even started! Would they like me? Would I live up to their expectations or be a big disappointment? ‘Whirlwind’ as I used to be known, had well and truly lost her whirl!

I decided in the end to be brave, face up to these unfamiliar fears and try and extend my circle of friends. I have now been to both a local and a London ‘Tweet Up’ and have met some truly wonderful people from all walks of life.

Years ago we would never have met and now down to the wonders of technology, anything is possible. Most people have been exactly the same in real life as their ‘alter egos’ and I am glad I took the opportunity to meet them face to face.

Now I just need to find myself a decent man – although rather than looking for Mr Right, I am all for Mr Right Now!!! ;-)

Married Man Magnet....

What is it about me, that I am always the other woman?!

I always seem to attract the wrong type of man, i.e those who are married/have a girlfriend. I must have a huge sign round my neck saying “Please Use Me”, as I just love being second best!

I am not sure if it is because most men in the age I look in are actually married or taken, but even then, why do they feel I am the sort of girl who wants to play Mistress? Of course anyone with a child would surely be grateful of being even looked at, no?

Just because I have a child, does not mean I am not a woman, a woman with needs…and standards for that matter. Yes I was married, yes it didn’t work out, but I am still hopeful there is someone out there for me and only me. I do not share nicely and think I actually might be worthy of someone’s full attention. GASP!

As well as Mr Text (see previous blog post), I have been a third, yes third option recently, have been accused by one of the mum’s at school of having an affair with her husband (we are friends – his messages sometimes were a little suggestive, I didn’t reply?!) and have been the ‘go to’ reserve for a couple of other men when their wife/girlfriend/potential other does not ‘understand them’ or is not available to massage their over-inflated egos.

I love to flirt and do prefer male company but have decided enough is enough.

 

If you are not single and there is a spark there between us, from now on do not expect me to mingle.

 

*Whacks on Beyonce*

The Art of Sexting

I feel after the seriousness of the last two Blog posts, you may be on the verge of getting out your violins/slitting your wrists, so how’s about something light hearted?!

Those of you who know me will know I am an incorrigible flirt, not half as deadly as ten years ago, but I would like to think I have still got it in one way or another?!

But recently readers, I have been introduced to the art of ‘Sexting’. Who knew this could be so much fun?!

As a creative kinda girl I do love an outlet for my over-active imagination and this fitted the bill perfectly. Virtually, I could be whoever I wanted to be, wearing whatever I liked, whilst in reality be at home on the sofa in my dressing gown and glasses, watching BBC Dramas. Sexy.

I have not known TC long, having ‘met’ online through a dating site. Things started off innocently enough, but then messages turned, how shall we say, interesting.

Now sex has been somewhat missing from my life of late – we don’t really count the Psycho from the Summer who might as well have not even have been there for all the effort he put into proceedings! But this was a good alternative, THIS I found came quite naturally to me and was rather empowering.

Although I was careful not to let things go too far (if you are going to meet in future, could be quite embarrassing to think where those hands had been in a textual format?!), I actually found myself turned on by the smallest of gestures, opening my eyes to new possibilities.

To be honest it was exactly what I needed after things that have happened of late – a welcome distraction from a rather attractive man. It has made me think of myself as a sexual being again and allowed me to regain a little of the confidence I lost in the summer.

So guys the moral of the story is give things a try. Do not waste opportunities – you never know what is round the corner.

 *digs out phone*

 *smiles*

 

 

 

 

When your ex meets someone else....

I have a lot of issues in my life, just to warn you readers, but a major issue is the ex husband, otherwise known as ‘The Eel’. The ex husband who is now seeing someone I regarded as a close mutual friend. Bang went that friendship and the other people in our little 'gang'.

I had suspected something had been going on since this time last year, but it was only when he asked her out on a date and she called me up in a panic pretending to care, did alarm bells start ringing. I thought it would be a passing thing, I didn’t realise it would cost me her friendship and that of several others, who after remaining two faced for a while, finally chose the other ‘side’.

I don’t have a problem with them being together, I just do not appreciate being lied to when I knew, as did everyone else, that something had blantantly been going on a while.

The problem I have is that every other weekend when The Eel has our daughter, he spends every waking moment with her and her son. Our daughter (‘O’) has said to me on so many occasions that she would like to ‘just spend time with daddy’, which is like a knife through my heart. He can’t see he is doing anything wrong and thinks O is trying to play us off against each other.

The ex friend, whom I shall refer to as ‘Her’, has been staying over in the week too which I feel uneasy about. O came home from school the other day with a French plait – I cannot do French plaits. Though I should be grateful that she cares about my little girl, I died inside a little bit more.

I know they say it is hard when your ex meets someone new and children are involved, but I just wish he could have gone for someone who didn’t know the ins and outs of my marriage breakdown. Who didn’t hold me when I cried…who didn’t tell me they would always be there for me.

'Mr Text'

Where to start with this thing? Well, for those of you who follow me on Twitter, you will know my life is somewhat akin to a soap opera at times!

I suppose I should start with a little of the background to recent events. Firstly, due to popular demand, the legend that is 'Mr Text'.

Mr Text is quite literally my ideal man – creative (photographer/musician), good looking, talented, older (good), varied taste in music, cultured and very MARRIED. I have been dealing with him through work for 4 years now and there has always been a huge amount of flirting, but due to obvious reasons that was all it was. Until August last year.

We started texting and really opened up to each other about our lives. He was in an unhappy marriage but didn’t want to leave the kids and his studio, I was an unhappy single mum who believed we could be each other’s happy ending. Things progressed slightly – he would come to see me late at night after a job, we would inevitably end up kissing like teenagers. This happened a few times, um, ‘progressing’ on each occasion until November-gate. We ended up in bed…and he changed his mind at the somewhat crucial moment. Talk about making a girl feel good!

Things kind of tailed off after this point, as naturally, I was mortified. The odd text flew here and there, he had a breakdown, I had a serious bout of depression (another blog post probably). Then I had to work with him again, one day in October. He was down the hall and we spent all day texting, flirting and eventually smearing my red lipstick. Just as I was nearly over him, here I was back to square one.

Apparently there is something ‘infectious and sexy’ about me, but you know what, I am worth more. So what did I do with all those thousands of texts and emails? After forming a joint pact with a Twitter Sister, I pressed delete and waved goodbye.

As a great man said to me recently, “onwards and upwards babe”.