Failure. Not the usual word that I would associate with myself, but that’s how I recently felt.
So let’s back track a little and I can explain…
As the new school year started, I felt the need for change. My baby was going into Year 2 and I had hit a kind of stalemate in my job in Events Management, where I had been for 5.5 years. Since I started there I had always been part time…almost full time but not quite, and I thought I was ready for a new challenge. Full time.
I applied for a few roles and eventually got offered a position at a country retreat, working for a big hotel chain. Sounds great but in reality, the biggest mistake I have ever made. The place was somewhat akin to a cult, everyone conditioned with this weird kind of branding and company ethos, turning them into a zombie flock of promotional sheep.
After 6 weeks I noticed a huge change in myself. I was short tempered and angry and I was taking that out on the two people closest to me. I felt a rubbish mother, as I hardly got to see O and had to miss out on things because of the amount of hours I had to work. I couldn’t even pick her up from after school club, as I would still be working, which broke my heart. I also felt a rubbish girlfriend, with both of us frequently in tears.
I had initially thought this would be good for all of us – I would move on to a new era in my career and at last be part of a company where I could learn and grow, but this wasn’t the case. So I made a decision, a hard decision…to put my family first.
Since making the decision, I have felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have never felt as unwelcome in a job in my life and will not miss the frosty reception and rolling of eyes when I make a mistake one little bit.
I waved goodbye (read, made a hasty exit!) just before Christmas and will this week be happily moving back to my old workplace, but this time in a different position – I will be working less hours than now and earning less money, but I will be working with a lot of people I have built up professional relationships with, so shall have a head start with my new venture!
The last 6 weeks have certainly been a learning curve but I have realised O will only be little once. I want to enjoy a healthy work/life balance, enjoy being a mother and enjoy life in general once more.
I have a wonderful daughter, an amazing boyfriend and now a fantastic opportunity to look forward to you. Compared to this time last year, life is now pretty much the opposite and I feel blessed.
I wish you all a happy new year. xx
